Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
