i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
