i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
