i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if only i could text you this smell
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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