I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize