i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
