You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
