Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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