do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
