Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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