I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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