Sry I called you an 8
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize