I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
