a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
