dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just threw up on my dentist
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
