Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
