halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
