So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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