i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
