Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
