I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
