Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize