If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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