I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He kissed a someone with a penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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