Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
