If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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