I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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