i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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