Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
