im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
