I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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