That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize