I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
