Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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