I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
