Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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