If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
