Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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