moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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