someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
