we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
