dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
