boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
