Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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