I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
