So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
