Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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