Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
