just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
