Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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