We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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