Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
