In the future we'll all be gay
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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