i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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