I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
