so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
