I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
