i just had sex bonerless
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And then he peed in my hair
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