Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
