he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
