cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
