Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
