I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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