Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
