Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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