were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
