Sponge bath it is.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
