white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
