tell your sister to shave her snatch
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize