So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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